I think I am probably not the only one out there who likes saying the word apropos. Am I? And then, am I also not the only one who wonders why anyone would say “apropos” instead of “appropriate”, other than because it’s fun and slightly more pretentious to say “apropos”? Yeah, I thought so.
I’m sure you’re wondering what is so very apropos, and that is the fact that I spent part of my long weekend (I had a random vacation day on Friday, if you were wondering where I was) reading
, by new blog/author-crush, Jen Lancaster, and then went in for a physical yesterday at lunchtime and learned that I have gained 6 pounds since I last saw the doctor (in January). Wonderful. Delightful. Awesome. But….timely reading, no?
First, I must say that Such a Pretty Fat is both hilarious and inspiring (see? apropos) and I’m so lucky to have won it in Kristabella’s blog contest because otherwise I may never have gotten to it (because I tend to purchase books on a whim, I get sidetracked easily, and I have 55 books on my goodreads “to read” and “books I already own but haven’t read” lists). It was also really great to read a book about food/dieting/exercise/weight loss from the perspective of someone who shares so many of my perspectives on it, which is to say from someone who LOVES food, refuses to think food is evil, doesn’t really think she looks that bad at her largest weight (although I definitely lack as much self-confidence as Ms. Lancaster has, I’ve certainly been known to tell myself I look awfully cute), and has perhaps a slight problem in the self-control/moderation department.
I also have to say that I snorted, chuckled, and outright laughed while reading the book. And then even repeated one of the book’s anecdotes to some dinner guests, who then laughed just as hard as I did despite having never actually read the book. So, if you need something to read, look no further.
Now that that’s all out of the way, I will tell you that yesterday basically sucked a giant donkey butt, because if there’s anything worse than standing on a scale at the doctor’s office and learning that you have gained a pound for each month since your last appointment, it is doing all of this when you are also in the weepy phase of PMS and slept like crap the night before because your dog thinks he must bark at EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED PERSON WHO WALKS BY YOUR HOME despite the fact that you live in a rowhome in a neighborhood with several bars & restaurants, from which drunk, chatty people occasionally walk by your house at 1 a.m. on weeknights.
Whee!
I’m not proud, but I think I’m completely justified in the fact that when my doctor came in after The Weighing and he sat down next to me and asked me how I was doing, I said, “Fine, although I must admit I’m a little weepy after the experience of standing on the scale” with a wavering voice, and then blinked furiously in an effort to hold back the tears.
I don’t, however, feel justified in the fact that my first thought was, “But I’ve been working SO HARD!”
Because, in truth, I haven’t. Sure, yeah, I’ve been working hard on the exercise thing, at least for the last few months (am still on week 4 of the couch to 5K, because I still cannot complete it without slowing down so much for the last 5 minutes of the running that Chester doesn’t actually have to run at all to keep up with my slow-assed pace or, if I don’t slow down, feeling like I might puke). But the diet part of it? Hahahahahahaha. I’ve been on this “I refuse to diet ever again, so I’m just going to exercise a lot instead” kick, and apparently that isn’t working. I think you might have to exercise a LOT more than I have been in order to work that angle. Maybe.
So….blah. BLAH.
I have to say, however, that I absolutely adore my (newish) doctor, because as I was leaving, he said, “I do have you tell you, I know you are upset about your weight gain, but you look pretty great, both from a health point of view and an appearance point of view. I mean, from an algorithmic perspective I suppose you should lose weight, but that and the fact that you are clearly upset about it are the only reasons I say that.”
Um….Dr. Rudenstein, I heart you.
(But it doesn’t make that number on the scale go away.)
And so, at my doctor’s suggestion (”Something tells me you are taking in too many calories.” Hmm. Would that “something” be the number on your shiny new scale? and also because I was inspired by Jen Lancaster’s and my friend Annie’s recent experiences with it, I signed up (again) this morning for Weight Watchers Online. As I did so, I heard in my mind the voice of the cheesy leader-lady from the last time I attempted to attend an actual meeting, and she was cheering “Meeting Makers Make It!”, but once again I agree with Jen that the meetings are pretty awful, so cheesy-leader-lady’s-voice can suck it.
At least this way I don’t have to say goodbye to all the deliciosity in the world - I just have to cut back a bit on it. Okay, fine, I have to cut back a lot on it. But here is my game plan (at least, the one I’m creating as I type this) (and then I promise to stop rambling so you can go read something more interesting than me whining about my weight):
(1) I will stop buying those Prairie City white chocolate macadamia nut cookies from the Walgreen’s downstairs. They aren’t even all that good.
(2) I will pay more attention to what I eat and will make better choices and eat less of everything except maybe veggies and fruits. This is sort fo a given since that’s kind of the nature of WW, but you know what I mean.
(3) I will accept the fact that I am an icecreamaholic, but will reduce my portion size and frequency of consumption. (Yay! This means I can still have my friend over for leftover oreo ice cream pie after work tonight!)
(4) I will take a walk on at least one non-couchto5K day of the week. I know I shoudl probably make it two days, but let’s start small here.
(5) I will stop snacking when I’m doing it just because I’m bored.
(6) I will reduce random alcohol consumption (meaning I will stop having so many “enh, I’ll have a beer, because we have them here and they are cold”)
(7) I will stop rewarding my exercise efforts with food or alcohol treats.
(8) I will plan some other sort of reward system, like for every pound I lose, I get to spend a certain amount of money on myself or something. (Am open to suggestions here).
It might not be perfect, but it’s a start. Wish me luck, y’all.
To end on a considerably more pleasant note, I have a couple random items to note:
(1) My co-worker is putting her house on the market, which is how I came to know about this lovely product. I think it’s hilarious - particularly the packaging. At my urging, my co-worker ordered one. I’ll let you know if the house sells quickly.
(2) I am going to sound crazy here, but I have been trying to figure out the name of a song (I want to download it for my jog/walks), and I need your help. I cannot remember any of the words, so the clues I have are minimal: I KNOW it was the theme song to a movie that Rob started watching on TV this weekend, but I can’t remember what movie it was and neither can he. The opening part of the movie involved an orange or pink screen with circles moving across it as the song played. And the movie was funny and produced in the last 5 or so years.
Also, it was played at my friend Amanda’s wedding reception and was fun to dance to.
And - throughout the song (which may or may not include some rapping of some sort?), it reverts back to the same thing of “doooo. doo doo doooo. dooooo. [insert fastish music and/or rapping here, I cannot remember]. doooooooo. doo. doo. doooo. dooooo. [insert fastish music whatever].”
Does anyone know what the HELL I am talking about? Anyone? Anyone?
I anticipate crickets in response, but I just thought I’d ask.
Peace out, y’all.
Oh, and PS, my favorite part of signing up for Weight Watchers? The designation that “The following question is for women only” next to “Are you pregnant?”. Heh.
